ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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