I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
