He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
