I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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