I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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