I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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