Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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