It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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