Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
