god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
