Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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