i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
