I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
