Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
