so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
