Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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