and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
