By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
