would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
