We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
