Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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