I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
