are you so shy because you have an std?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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