They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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