It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
