In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
