You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize