Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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