The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She told me I should be a condom model.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
