suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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