Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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