you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize