Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
