I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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