He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
