I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
