I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
