Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
