She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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