I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
