So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
