I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
