I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
