I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
