Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
