i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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