bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
