i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
