Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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