On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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