I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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