he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
