I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
