I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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