I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
