hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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