We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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