her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
