You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
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at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
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I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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