I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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