Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
