i may or may not be watching the land before time
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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