remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
