I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
