first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
