So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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